Oh the well-intentioned. A beautiful Saturday. Temperatures in the low 200's. A perfect way to spend an afternoon at Schlitterbahn, the omnipotent master of water park goodness.

Our leisurely jaunt begins early in the morning, because everyone knows that you must get there early to get a table to set your crap on. Because it was our first time, we dutifully arrived in time to reserve a spot. Crowds start to form. And then expand. And then bloat. Did we miss something? The rides aren't open yet! Why, no. These are the crowds getting in line in front of every friggin ride in the park before they officially open.

Scared by the masses, we dash to the kiddie area which at this point is largely deserted. Our friends, Chris and Jen, arrive soon after. It should be noted here that Chris was the instigator of this trip. Soon, the overflow of Olympic swimmers has made it's way to kiddie land.

By early afternoon, we've completely given up on riding anything other than the two-foot frog slide in the middle of the kiddie pool. Every ride has an incredible wait, and the crowds are ridiculous. Time to pack up and head home. Oh, we did get to ride the lazy river. So call it a $30 dirty river ride pass.

I am not making the next part up. An 18 wheeler has overturned and burst into flames just south of Austin. Luckily, no one was seriously injured. Why the truck's contents, several years worth of cereal, burned like hell on earth, we may never know. What we do know is that this delay halted our retreat from Water Doom on the order of a few hours. Lisa skillfully navigated us through back roads and lightly graveled ditches to get us home by an early 6pm.

To cap off our wonderful experience, we ordered some take out and retreated to the inner sanctum of the house, never to leave for the remainder of the night lest our patience be tested again.